Sometimes grandparents have a funny way of welcoming a first grandchild into the fold. Specifically, they fight about it. It's a battle for dominance. Whose culture and traditions will take hold? Who will win the coveted position as uber-grandma?
Sometimes grandparents have a funny way of welcoming a first grandchild into the fold. Specifically, they fight about it. It's a battle for dominance. Whose culture and traditions will take hold? Who will win the coveted position as uber-grandma?
When women marry and start a family, we envision a loving, respectful adult relationship with our husbands, parents, in-laws, and extended family. For some of us, this is exactly how things unfold. But, for the rest of us there can be trouble. Big trouble. The arrival of the first baby/grandchild can make the the daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationship fraught.
Q. I live in California and my mother in-law lives in New York, so we don't see that much of each other. She just sent a gift for our seven month old baby that I think is awful. It's a hideous looking jack in the box type thing, that has a scary laugh when it jumps out.
Becoming a parent often propels us back to our own families as we seek out their guidance and emotional support in dealing with this new chapter in our lives. Parenthood also demands, though, that we step into adulthood once and for all and make our new family our first priority. And for many of us it’s a difficult step to take.
Q. I've never really liked my daughter-in-law. She is a manipulative and spoiled person. A few weeks ago I was at their house to babysit my granddaughter. I took her to the mall for an icecream and got her a haircut - she's about a year and a half, and really needed a haircut with summer coming. My daughter-in-law was very upset when she saw her daughter and since then I have not been invited back to their house.
At some level we all know that putting our husband, or wife. or partner above all others is how things are supposed to work. (Hmmm. Wasn’t that a marriage vow? It sounds awfully familiar.) We all want to know that we have top billing in our spouse’s heart. In many ways, when we become parents ourselves prioritizing our new family - that is our spouse and our child - over our original one is the final step into adulthood.
Q. I think my husband gets jealous for his mom because she doesn't get to spend as much time with our daughter as my mom does. Therefore, EVERY weekend we end up having dinner or having his parents come over. Is it selfish of me to be annoyed that I have to share my only time with my family with my MIL?
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Body After Baby: Let’s Get Real | Babyproofing Your Marriage is available at any major bookstore, or online: |