Tag Archives: husband doesn’t understand
Q. I just stumbled across your site while almost weeping with desperation. Our baby girl is 9 weeks old and my husband and I fight nonstop. We are both so into our baby and are madly in love with her. And … Continue reading
Question: I need advice! I’m 30 years old and my husband is 35 we just had our first child 3 months ago. Neither of us had any other children so it is a first for both of us. He is a … Continue reading
On any given weekend in millions of homes across globe, wives stand in front of their husbands listing all of the selfless acts they have performed in the last week: “I paid all the bills, bought a birthday present for your mother, read Goodnight Moon five times, took four six-year-olds to Chuck-E-Cheese . . . and that was just Tuesday. . . .”
The husbands return fire: “Excuse me, but did I not make the kids breakfast every morning last week, including the morning it made me late for my presentation, when I really should have gone in early? And I picked up the dry cleaning without being asked, and I did bath duty three times last week. What more do you want?”
A volley of personal accomplishments and sacrifices ensues. Not exactly what we thought life would be like when we eyed each other across the room all those years ago, is it? Continue reading
What Our Parents and Grandparents Can Teach Us About the Early Parenting Years: Reflections From the Other Side
It’s hard to have perspective about this stage of our lives. We can’t see too far beyond the next milestone: “Things will be so much easier when he’s potty trained/in preschool/making his own lunch/driving a car.” But we can get some perspective from couples who have been down this road already. Even though marriage and parenting have changed dramatically in a generation or two, the fundamental experience of adjusting to parenthood remains basically the same. The parenting veterans once found it as shocking as we do now. They felt their way along in the dark just like we’re all attempting to do. Continue reading
Parenting is an unbelievably exhausting business and a certain amount of complaining, even moaning, about the daily grind is understandable and probably healthy. (Maybe it’s just me … but isn’t there something unnatural and Stepford Wife-ish about the mother who never has a bad word to say about her husband and children? Or maybe I’m just jealous.) But many of us moms – including me – take things a little too far and play the Martyr. Continue reading
“Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I have not been able to answer . . . the great question that has never been answered: what does a woman want?” —Sigmund Freud
All Dr. Freud really needed to do was spend a day with a mother of two preschoolers and he would have had his answer: we want a partner, not a helper on the domestic front. We want the gender equality we were raised to expect in our marriages and our parenting. And we’d also like some validation from our husbands to go along with it.
“We had our first kid and almost overnight I felt like I went from being an equal to being the lesser partner in my marriage.” —Becky, married 8 years, 3 kids.
“Why am I the only one in the house who knows where the pacifier, diaper wipes, and sippy cups are? Where the hell has he been living for the last three years?” —Rachel, married 6 years, 2 kids.
In the course of writing about this topic, we realized women tend to keep score more than their husbands. There are two very good reasons for this:
Q. I tried your “Training Weekend”. I went away for a weekend in hopes of showing my husband just how my day goes when he is away, but he just packed up baby and himself and headed to his parents for the entire weekend. Continue reading
Q. My husband and I are constantly fighting. We fight about who gets up when, who is going to get the baby – day or night. We fight about who has done what, who has cleaned what, who’s more tired, etc. He doesn’t understand that I can barely get anything done during the day by myself … Continue reading
Imagine, if you will, an entire week or even a month going by without having a conversation with your husband. Imagine a day spent together without as much as a “hello, how you doing?” from him? Or going out for a meal together and having him read a book/read his phone with scarcely a glance in your direction, as you chew your food in silence. Can you imagine how hurt and rejected you would feel?
If it has been a while (let’s say weeks) since you and your husband have had sex, it’s possible that he might be feeling as ignored and rejected as you would feel if he had not spoken to you for weeks. Continue reading