Babyproofing Your Marriage is the bestselling book on post-baby relationship issues.
Published in the United States, the UK, Australia, Germany, Brazil, Spain, Portugal, Holland and Ireland, this is the book, as one reviewer commented, that should be given to all new parents when they leave the hospital.
The transition to parenthood can be a tough adjustment for any couple, but the good news is: you are not alone.
Better yet, there are hundreds of simple but effective ways you can stay connected as husband and wife and still be good parents.
With lots of humor, compassion, and practical advice, the Babyproofers will guide first-time parents and veterans alike around the rocky shores of the early parenting years.
Does any of the following sound familiar?
Babyproofing Your Marriage offers simple, yet effective solutions to all these common problems and more:
Cut the Cord
What Mama’s Boys and Daddy’s Girls should do after they become parents. Failure to cut the cord can lead to Turf Infringement, a distraught spouse or, in cases of extreme attachment, divorce papers.
These are the dads who do just enough to get by. Domestic Shortcuts (skipping baths and teeth brushing) are Standard Operating Procedure, and they make liberal use of Convenience Cards (TV, McDonald’s, 1-800-Grandma).
Hound Dog/Ice Queen Vortex
The highly-scientific BPYM term for people’s post-baby hardwired response to sex. He (the Hound Dog) wants sex, baby or no baby, because men proliferate their genes through sex. She (the Ice Queen) focuses on the baby to the exclusion of all else because women are compelled by nature to nurture their young.
It’s Never Enough!
The collective howl of protest from hardworking dads across the land, who say that no matter what they do, at home and at work, it is never enough, and certainly never good enough, to satisfy their wives.
A self-awarded insignia of suffering (I’ve been up since 6:00 am. Yeah, well I got up with the baby last night.) worn by both men and women in the post-baby battle over the division of labor. A Perma-Scowl often accompanies the Martyr Badge to complete the look.
Also known as Who Will Blink First? In this battle of the wills, each parent’s objective is to make the other think that they are sound asleep and cannot hear the screaming down the hall. Victory is achieved when one parent (a.k.a. the sucker) gets up and goes to the baby. Experienced contenders play a mean game of Advanced Midnight Chicken, nudging their spouses and whispering, “You’re up, I got her last time,” when, in fact, there was no last time.
How groups of men arrange themselves when they sense an opportunity to escape the home front. Their organization is seamless, like geese flying south for the winter. They can mobilize at a moment’s notice, equipping themselves with golf clubs/fishing rods/skis/hiking boots before their wives have a chance to say, “Hey, where are you going?”
The Ten O’ Clock Shoulder Tap
All over the country exhausted wives are subjected to The Tap – considered by many men to be a form of foreplay, considered by most women to be anything but.
“Here it comes…the paw! Does he think that’s a turn-on? He does jack s#*t to help me out, then expects me to take care of him? We hadn’t even had a conversation! What am I, a 7-Eleven? Open for business at his convenience?” – Janet, married 8 years, 2 kids