Author Archives: Stacie
Same Story, Different Planets
Meet Janet and Kevin, parents of three young children. Janet stays home with the kids. Kevin’s job requires him to travel a few times a month. Here’s how they both described a recent evening at home:
Kevin: “I was thinking about Janet on the flight home. I’ve been traveling a lot lately and we haven’t seen much of each other. And, of course, I’m wondering if she’ll be in the mood later on—after all, it’s been eight days, five hours, and twenty-eight minutes since we last had sex. When I got home, she gave me a big hug so I started feeling optimistic. But I hadn’t even gotten my tie off when she starts laying into me with my ‘assignments:’ ‘Can you get the kids bathed? Did you remember to call the bank? Did you pick up the dry cleaning?’ She didn’t even give me time to breathe. Who needs that crap? I should’ve flown directly on to Phoenix instead of coming home.”
Janet: “I was so glad when Kevin got home. Finally, some relief! I thought that after he got the kids to bed we could sit down with a glass of wine. But what does he do? He rolls his eyes at me. I just needed some help. You’d think I’d asked him to rewire the house. And it’s not like I went and put my feet up—I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing yet another load of laundry.” Continue reading
How much sex do the married parents of small kids have? What’s average?
“I’m scoring like a third-rate British soccer team—once every fifth Sunday.”
—Peter, married 8 years, 3 kids
Mothers of small kids, whether they work or not, often feel that their sense of self is consumed by the roles of cook, chauffeur, cleaner, and toddler entertainer. When sex is added to the list of things that others demand from us, we start to resent it. We start to feel like a rabbit in a cage—a rabbit that is being pursued by an oversexed male rabbit. Run rabbit, run!
When a husband’s idea of foreplay is to use openers like “Hey, it’s been a while . . .” or to say nothing and just give us the Ten O’Clock Shoulder Tap, we want to run…fast. (Cue the “Jaws” theme.)
“Everyone wants a piece of the Mama.”
—Vicki, married 5 years, 2 kids
Did-Enough Dads – These are the Dads who do just enough to get by. Domestic Shortcuts (skipping baths and teeth brushing) are Standard Operating Procedure, and they make liberal use of Convenience Cards (TV, McDonald’s, 1-800-Grandma).
Most of us find ourselves hopping on the extreme parenting locomotive, and that train is just not slowing down. Birthday parties with handmade goodie bags, play dates, volunteering, sports, school carnivals, doctors appointments, email, voicemail, text messages, activities, more activities, more more more…it just goes on and on. We get caught up in the pressurized societal vortex which makes parenting much harder than it should be.
It’s about that time. We are all planning our family vacations for the summer. Mom, get that huge diaper bag overflowing with diapers, bottles and cheerios ready. Dad, get ready to be the family pack mule.
Ahhh, the family vacation. Fun in the sun? Absolutely. A little R and R? Not quite. A family vacation is not quite a vacation. It’s a Schlep-Fest. We work just as hard, if not harder, than when we’re at home; doing it in a different place. Often, we return home exhausted, minus the beloved blankie a child can’t sleep without, and sometimes, barely on speaking terms with our spouse. Why?
On any given weekend in millions of homes across globe, wives stand in front of their husbands listing all of the selfless acts they have performed in the last week: “I paid all the bills, bought a birthday present for your mother, read Goodnight Moon five times, took four six-year-olds to Chuck-E-Cheese . . . and that was just Tuesday. . . .”
The husbands return fire: “Excuse me, but did I not make the kids breakfast every morning last week, including the morning it made me late for my presentation, when I really should have gone in early? And I picked up the dry cleaning without being asked, and I did bath duty three times last week. What more do you want?”
A volley of personal accomplishments and sacrifices ensues. Not exactly what we thought life would be like when we eyed each other across the room all those years ago, is it? Continue reading
Q. Sex is not on her radar – Help! The whole thing really seems like such a weird joke civilized society plays on us. And ladies, many of us men understand the issues but that doesn’t help eliminate our libidos. Bottom line to me is; if there was a pill I could take that would inhibit my sex drive without inhibiting the other necessary benefits of Testosterone, I would take it in an instant. Continue reading