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WHAT ARE THE TOP ISSUES?

Chapter Four

THE 'SEX LIFE' OF NEW PARENTS

Coitus Non Existus

"Going for more than a week without sex is really, really tough."
- Randy, married 8 years, 3 kids

"Three or four times a year would be about right."
- Kendra, married 8 years, 3 kids

"After kids, everything changes...we're having sex about every three months. If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if its oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license."
- Ray Romano, comedian and father of 4

The Grand Canyon

Grand Canyon? Is it really that bad? Are men and women really standing on opposite sides of a gulf that wide and deep and foreboding? Well, maybe you're one of the lucky few for whom things are just humming along quite nicely, thank you, but, having talked to as many people as we have, we can assure you that you are decidedly not normal. After having children, women minimize the role of sex in their marriages. They experience a seismic shift in desire and ability. Men still want sex, and the emotional outlet it provides, as often as possible. The wife's supply cannot meet her husband's demand. For most couples, it's an equation that just won't add up, no matter how they do the math.

It can look something like this:

Janet: "I finally sank into bed after another day in the trenches when my radar went off. Oh God, Kevin had that look in his eye and "it" started inching over from his side of the bed...the paw! At that moment, here's what ran through my head: 'Does he think that's a turn on? He does jack shit to help me out, then expects me to take care of him? We hadn't even had a conversation! What am I, a 7-11? Open for business at his convenience? But if I say no, he'll get all bitchy. Maybe I could just lie here for 5 minutes, but God, I don't have another ounce of energy. Is that spit-up in my hair?'"

Kevin: "Well, what do you know? Bam! She lowered the boom right on my head. Second time in a week. I'm just this robot working stiff to her. She never wants to do it. I'm sick of this. I feel like I have a roommate, not a wife. What am I supposed to do? Rent Spank-A-Vision in a hotel room?"

Sound Familiar? We've all been there. Grand Canyon? Great Divide? You tell us.