Q. My mother in law is causing me a lot of stress. My husband and I have two children.We have a very loving relationship, a happy marraige and a very happy home. When I returned home after having my second baby, my mother-in-law took over the house. She told my husband to say good bye to me and go stay with his father because he would be no use to me.
She made me feel very uncomfortable and she would give my five month old choclate and sweets even though I asked her not to. She would follow me around the house when I had my son in my arms, invading my space, shaking my arms while I would be holding my son, I pulled away from her and came into our kitchen to my husband , she followed and I closed the door. She turned on me saying I closed the door on her face, telling me that i was ungrateful for everything my husband gave me, look at the new car he got you, the house you have and you should be grateful to be able to have children… My husband told her that there was no shouting in our house and that no one was closing the door on anyone. She decided to leave and said something very smart and left. My husband went after to his home house and had it out with her.
We have seen a counselor about her behavior and she told me to stay away from my mother-in-law, but she lives 2 miles away so that is really, really hard. I often wish I never married my husband because of my relationship with his mother. He told me five years ago if things get out of hand we could move but that wont help. What can I do? I feel like leaving my husband because of his mother. Please help.
A. I am so sorry that you have a terrible mother-in-law. It seems, however, that you have a good husband. From what you wrote it looks like he has his priorities right, in spite of the upbringing he had with her, and that he puts you and his children first. He has even told you that if you want he is happy to move to a different state to get away from his mother. This is what matters, that your husband puts you first, that he loves you. No doubt your mother-in-law knows this, and she hates it. She wants to be the most important person, she wants to be the one who gets the most attention. Don’t give it to her.
You have already been told to cut this woman out of your life. You have been told, and you have seen for yourself, that she is a destructive influence, a nasty person. Why do you keep trying to have a relationship with her? Why do you care what she thinks about you? No matter how loving, giving and amazing a person you might be your mother-in-law will always see you as “the enemy”. You cannot control how she thinks, how she behaves. Stop trying. Don’t waste your breath on this woman. Put your energy into your children and your husband.
Talk with your husband today about moving away from this freak show. You and your children deserve a happy home, don’t be afraid to fight for that. Work with your husband to make it happen.