When my first kid was about three months old I reached my breaking point.  I was downright exhausted and needed my husband, Ross, to pick up some slack.  (Let me preface this by saying that Ross is a great guy.  This happened during the early days of parenting when ‘he just didn’t get it.’)  One time, I remember telling him that all I cared about was stepping on some sort of exercise apparatus, improving my overall hygiene, and getting a few hours of shuteye.  At the end of the day, he was no where in sight.  Where’s Waldo?  I called him on his cell and of course he said he was on his way shortly.  And what did I hear in the background?  I could swear it sounded suspiciously like a combination of Golden Tee and a keg being tapped.

Well, we’ve done a little research, talked to a few new dads, and here are a few gems that we found well…interesting.

One guy, John, was actually having an affair.  He slips away from work an hour early just so that he can surreptitiously have a quick drink with his best friend before he heads home:

“I feel like I’m having an affair with my best friend. I try to see him once a week before catching my usual train for the evening. Don’t tell my wife. If she finds out, she’ll insist I come home an hour earlier and I’ll never see Pete again. It’s just nuts.”

And another guy, whom we’ll call Ron, takes to extreme measures to survive, or more accurately, to get away from the baby-induced mania.

“When our first daughter was born I was so exhausted I couldn’t keep it together at work. I thought my boss was going to come in and find me passed out on the keyboard. Things got so bad that I told my wife I had to go on a business trip to Chicago. There was no business in Chicago. But I took a day off work, flew to Chicago, checked into a hotel, and got a full night’s sleep. It was heaven. I’m not really proud of lying to my wife, but it was a question of survival. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

So, if you are wondering where Waldo is, you may want to think about running a sting operation.  Consider putting a GPS chip in his phone to pinpoint his whereabouts.  Or how about hiring a PI to follow him around to take a few incriminating shots.  When you do actually bust him and rein him back in, you can finally hop on that treadmill, see the inside of a shower, and catch those coveted ZZZZZs.

Good luck with your search!

* Illustration from Gerthblog.com