Body After Baby: Let’s Get Real

We all obsess over it.  Our body after baby.  We constantly ask ourselves: Will I ever get back to my pre-pregancy weight?  Will my boobs ever look the same?  Does my husband still find me attractive?  Blah, blah, blah.  And let’s not forget the images we see at the grocery store check-out lines.  Countless celebrities who just gave birth (usually to twins) who emerge two weeks later in a size-2 bikini.  It’s almost like a contest nowadays.  Just check out this People article about two of Hollywood’s most famous Jessicas.,,20558760,00.html.  Here’s an excerpt:


Jessica Simpson, who is expecting her first child with fiancé Eric Johnson this spring – complimented Jessica Alba on her post-baby bikini body just five months after welcoming daughter Haven with husband Cash Warren. 

“New goal: look like @jessicaalba after baby. Job well done lady!” Simpson, 31, Tweeted Tuesday. 

Alba was flattered by the praise, responding on Twitter, “OMG! Ur so sweet! Thx hon!”  

Jessica (Simpson), congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with your goal.  Jessica (Alba), we are very happy for you.  A (sincere) high-five on getting your body back.  But let’s get real.  Most of us in those grocery store check out lines don’t have the nutritionist guru and personal trainers giving us all the latest tummy flattening tips.  Bottom line is that we don’t look like the women in the mommy magazines.  Given the noisy, sleepless, messy reality of caring for a newborn, a real-life cover model would be a slightly rounder woman with matted hair, stooped shoulders, a spit-up-stained bathrobe, and a look of exhaustion on her face. She’d be lucky to have a coffee mug in her hand because, hey, that means she had time to make coffee.


“I thought I’d be fabulously stylish and a quintessential Earth Mama at the same time. That was before I realized I’d only be showering every second or third day.”

—Kristin, married 6 years, 1 kid

So give yourself a break!  Your body just performed nothing short of a miracle.  It took nine months to expand, and it will probably take nine (or more) months to contract.  Don’t compare yourself to the women in the (airbrushed) magazines.  That is certainly not the norm.  Just sit back, sip that coffee (if you’re lucky) and let the Hollywood women duke it out over who’s the reigning Tinseltown Post-Baby Body Queen.  With a little patience, time, and effort (diet and exercise), you can reclaim your body once again.

P.S. Most men said they don’t give a flip dip about when their wives return to normal size.  They are more concerned about the 6-week OBGYN visit, giving you the (possible) green light in the bedroom.  Good luck on that front! :)

* Image from, Jim Smeal/BEImages; Jamie McCarthy/Getty

* Illustration by Larry Martin

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