Most of us find ourselves hopping on the extreme parenting locomotive, and that train is just not slowing down. Birthday parties with handmade goodie bags, play dates, volunteering, sports, school carnivals, doctors appointments, email, voicemail, text messages, activities, more activities, more more more...it just goes on and on. We get caught up in the pressurized societal vortex which makes parenting much harder than it should be.
Same Story, Different Planets
Meet Janet and Kevin, parents of three young children. Janet stays home with the kids. Kevin’s job requires him to travel a few times a month. Here’s how they both described a recent evening at home: Kevin: “I was thinking about Janet on the flight home. I’ve been traveling a lot lately and we haven’t seen much of each other. And, of course, I’m wondering if she’ll be in the mood later on—after all, it’s been eight days, five hours, and twenty-eight minutes since we last had sex. When I got home, she gave me a big hug so I started feeling optimistic. But I hadn’t even gotten my tie off when she starts laying into me with my ‘assignments:’ ‘Can you get the kids bathed? Did you remember to call the bank? Did you pick up the dry cleaning?’ She didn’t even give me time to breathe. Who needs that crap? I should’ve flown directly on to Phoenix instead of coming home.” Janet: “I was so glad when Kevin got home. Finally, some relief! I thought that after he got the kids to bed we could sit down with a glass of wine. But what does he do? He rolls his eyes at me. I just needed some help. You’d think I’d asked him to rewire the house. And it’s not like I went and put my feet up—I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing yet another load of laundry.”
Dennis and Kimberly Quaid were on the path to divorce, but now they're giving their marriage a second chance. Marriage with kids is hard work, but well worth it. Time and time again, we see couples, especially celebrity couples, split after kids. Why does this happen? No one really talks about it, but we will: Marriage after kids is a tough business. Here are the main challenges:
Most new Dads fall somewhere in the middle between the “everything but breastfeeding” brigade and the “proud to have never changed a diaper” crew. For the majority of new Dads who are clueless, but eager to get their hands dirty (both figuratively and literally) here is our Basic Competency List, or What Every Self-Respecting Dad Should Know How to Do
It's about that time. We are all planning our family vacations for the summer. Mom, get that huge diaper bag overflowing with diapers, bottles and cheerios ready. Dad, get ready to be the family pack mule. Ahhh, the family vacation. Fun in the sun? Absolutely. A little R and R? Not quite. A family vacation is not quite a vacation. It’s a Schlep-Fest. We work just as hard, if not harder, than when we’re at home; doing it in a different place. Often, we return home exhausted, minus the beloved blankie a child can’t sleep without, and sometimes, barely on speaking terms with our spouse. Why?
Mothers-in-law don’t get great press. There are millions of horror stories about them doing the rounds on the internet, and if you google “jokes” you’ll see that most jokes are about mother-in-laws. Sure, some might deserve it but most are just women who are doing their best to navigate the tricky terrain of family relationships...
When women marry and start a family, we envision a loving, respectful adult relationship with our husbands, parents, in-laws, and extended family. For some of us, this is exactly how things unfold. But, for the rest of us there can be trouble. Big trouble. The arrival of the first baby/grandchild can make the the daughter-in-law/mother-in-law relationship fraught.
Chocolates? No. Jewelry? No. Flowers? No. This Mothers Day gift costs practically nothing, and it will make your wife smile for days (and if you do it right, maybe even for years).
Hillary Duff and her husband, Mike Comrie recently became new parents. Hillary has been a mother for less than a month but she has more insight and self-awareness than I had after six (OK, twelve) months of motherhood!
Dennis and Kimberly Quaid Know Marriage After Kids Hard Work, But Worth a (Second) Try
Hillary Duff’s Marriage Advice for New Moms | Babyproofing Your Marriage is available at any major bookstore, or online: |
