My Mother-In-Law is Causing Me Anxiety and Stress

Q: So to give you a bit of background I have been with my husband for 6 years. My mother-in-law has been bothering me a lot. She says negative/degrading things about my husband and she puts her other son on a pedestal, although he has no job and is addicted to video games.  She tells everyone that he is so wonderful.

Over time this slowly started bothering me more and more. Then when I got pregnant my feelings intensified. My MIL was in the waiting room when my baby was born which I didn’t really want but never said anything to anyone because I felt I was being selfish.  Once we got home, she called 2-3 times per week and wanted to come over all the time.  Every time she phoned, my husband would get off the phone and tell me she was coming. He did not ask and had already made the arrangements with her. In my husband’s defense, I was doing the same thing with my mother so it was an error on both our parts.

Every time my husband told me she was coming over, I immediately got anxious, felt my heart racing, felt nauseous and have even thrown up. I have spent nights unable to sleep because of this and have been very bitter that I have lost precious time with my son because of my anxiety.

My husband tried to limit my MIL’s visits and make them shorter but she just ignored him and would stay for hours. It also really upset me that she would just grab the baby from me and when she held him, her body language would make me feel like she was possessive of him. She doesn’t want anyone else holding the baby when she is in the house.

I have a lot of anxiety about my MIL’s visits. I don’t want my son around someone who could belittle her own son. I have talked to my husband about the fact that I do not feel comfortable with her babysitting and at this point will not leave him alone with her under any circumstances. I feel it is my right as a parent to follow my instinct. I hope my feelings will change and want him to be able to go over there without me when he is a bit older but that is how I feel right now. My husband is supportive of this but has said if this is the way I feel, my mom cannot babysit either. I am not sure how I feel about this. I kind of feel it is a punishment for me feeling this way. I really need an outside opinion. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to hurt my husband. Is there anything else I should be doing?

A.  The situation you have described with your mother-in-law is very, very common. There are hundreds of thousands – maybe millions – of new mothers going through the same thing, trying to navigate this often difficult relationship. So, you’re not alone.  I hope that makes you feel a little better.

From what you described it seems that your MIL is a difficult woman, she is self-centered and lacks awareness.  On the plus side, she does love your baby, doesn’t she? You write that when she held your son she seemed to be “possessive of him”. Of course she was! She is his grandmother. This is her genetic legacy. Your mother-in-law is feeling the same ferocious, primal possessiveness that you are. I remember being a little terrified by the look of complete ecstasy on my own MIL’s face when she held my newborn daughter and thinking “hang on, it’s my baby!” So, I do understand how you feel.  But the thing that you have to remember is that you are NUMERO UNO, and nothing will change that. No matter how often your MIL holds your baby or ignores your instructions.  You have all the power. You hold all the cards. Let me say it in caps … YOU ARE THE MOTHER.

As Oprah would say “own your power” (or something like that). Don’t be afraid to let your MIL know loud and clear if she is doing something that you do not like. However, let her love your son. Yes, she is an annoying woman, but you haven’t told me anything that makes me think that she is dangerous or unstable. (If that were the case, my advice would be different) She is your husband’s mother and as such, she deserves a shot at developing a relationship with her grandson. If that is what your husband wants, and it seems that it is.  Keep in mind that it is possible that you are over-reacting to her behavior. All new mothers have paper-thin skin and behave territorially and a little insecurely as we try to find our footing as parents.  I remember shouting at my own mother because I thought that she was wiping my daughters bottom the wrong way! Ten years and three more babies later I cringe to think that I was so bratty and ungrateful for all her help!

Let’s talk about your husband now.  It sounds like his heart is in the right place and that he wants you to be happy. But his tit-for-tat response to your demand that his mother not babysit is immature and unkind. I don’t know what is going on in his head. He might be trying to keep both you, and his mother happy. But he’ll learn sooner rather than later that his life will be much happier if he focuses on making you happy, not his mother. From what you said in your email it seems that you avoid having uncomfortable conversations. You didn’t want your MIL at the hospital during labor, but you never said so; from the very start her visits made you feel anxious but you never said anything. I understand your desire to keep the peace and, as you wrote, not be selfish; but stuffing down our emotions and our needs never ends well. Ultimately we end up blowing up at our partners or withdrawing into wounded silence. Please talk to your husband about how you feel (including how much you need your own mother at this time, but how you want to make space for his mother, too) and then talk with each other about the type of childhood you want for your son. You’ll see that you both want the same thing. In terms of dealing with his mother talk together about all the options: he takes your son to visit her and you stay at home; when she visits you go out for a walk or take the opportunity to hang out with a friend etc.; you limit her visits to twice a week, or whatever number you feel comfortable with. Basically, you figure out a compromise that works for both you and your husband.

I think being honest about what you feel and what you need, will really help with your anxiety levels. I don’t mean to sound flippant … but make sure you are getting as much sleep as possible and exercising when you can. Lack of sleep and exercise can have a profoundly negative effect on our happiness levels.

Finally, you mention that your MIL is dismissive of, and disrespectful towards her son, your husband. As his wife, it’s understandable that you are upset by this, but this is not your battle to fight. You don’t say whether or not your husband is upset by her comments. It might be water off a duck’s back for him. But even if it does upset him, it is not your place to interfere. Let him deal with his mother. If he chooses not to, you just have to accept that. Don’t nag him to address something that he just is not ready to handle. Love him and over time your love and support might give him the strength he needs to stand up to his mother.

You sound like a woman who cares deeply about her husband and is madly in love with her little baby.  You have everything you need for a full and joyful life. Don’t let an annoying MIL stop you from embracing life and loving your family with your whole heart.

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Warning: Your Baby Might Hurt Your Marriage!

The late, and great, Nora Ephron said it best, “Having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage.” 

Redbook asked us to come up with a list of dangers a baby poses to its parents’ marriage in the first year. Fortunately, we had some solutions for them too.

Read about how the sleep deprivation, piles of laundry, in-laws, Provider Panic and Mommy Brain can strain the strongest of marriages and learn what you can do to make the transition from couple to parents as easy as possible.

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Help! My Husband and I Are Fighting Non-Stop Since Our Baby Came

Q.  I just stumbled across your site while almost weeping with desperation. Our baby girl is 9 weeks old and my husband and I fight nonstop. We are both so into our baby and are madly in love with her. And my husband does a lot … cooking, tidying up our home, picking up groceries etc. He is the perfect provider. Our problem is, we fight about WHAT the baby wants, HOW we should handle her when she wails, WHAT we can/should do with her.

We fight about who is more tired (I do ALL the night as I breastfeed). I don’t mind getting up feeding our baby but I also do ALL the soothing even she fusses at night. Then he complains about being tired, when he doesn’t have to flick a finger at night. If I make a suggestion about what the baby likes, he gets all defensive and offended saying I’m nagging and trying to take away moments from him, even if I say it very very nicely.

It seems like we can\’t even talk anymore without judging each other these days. Obviously sex hasn’t been happening for quite a while now and I don’t even know how to get back to how we feel about each other before. My tummy isn\’t back to pre-pregnancy shape yet and I feel utterly unattractive. I just don’t seem to see the light of our relationship at this point.

A.  Let me start by telling you that how you are feeling about your husband is completely normal. Engaging in marital bickering and defensive behavior is almost inevitable when you have a newborn baby. This is a wonderful terrifying time (or terrifyingly wonderful time) for both you and your husband. You are exhausted. Adjusting to life with a baby is unbelievably difficult. Cut your marriage some slack. Don’t even think about your marriage for a while. Just take for granted that you and your husband will reconnect as the couple you once were at some point in the not too distant future. You write that you “just don’t seem to see the light of your relationship at the moment.” That’s OK. Life is not about your relationship right now, it’s about your baby and trying to figure out how to feed her/soothe her/dress her/diaper her and so on. Not to mention dealing with the sleep deprivation and hormonal upheaval.  And please, please don’t give sex a second thought. You gave birth to another human being less than 60 days ago. You need time to recover. Make a mental note to think about sex three months from now. There will be plenty of time for all that after you and your husband are sleeping through the night and you feel a little more like your old self.

In the meantime, here are a few thoughts that I hope will make the newborn stage a little easier for you:

Hand over the baby. Let your husband spend time with his daughter on his own. Not all new Dads want to roll up their sleeves and take care of their babies. I can’t tell you the number of times I have seen a new mother, with tears in her eyes, complain that her husband does not engage at all with their baby, and just leaves everything up to her.  You have a good man and potentially a great father for your daughter in your life.

Take advantage of your husband’s willingness to be a hands-on Dad and take a nap/bath, call a girlfriend, wash your hair while he takes the reins. Sure, he won’t take care of your daughter exactly  the way you do; but so what? He is as much a parent as you are, and he needs to figure out all this baby-care stuff for himself, just like you.

 You are both exhausted and you are both entitled to a break. Yes, it is more than likely that you are working harder than your husband. Much harder. In fact, he may never catch up and the score will always be Mom 100: Dad 2, or something like that. But, the chances are that your husband is working harder now, with a daughter in his life, than he was 9 weeks ago. And he does deserve a little recognition and credit for that. As do you. So, instead of fighting over who is more tired – which is one of the most common games parents of newborns play; let me say it again, you are completely normal – work together to make sure both of you are getting enough sleep. You sleep when he gets home from work and/or he bottle-feeds the baby a couple of nights a week and so on. Spend some time figuring out a game plan. You will be amazed at how much kinder you will be to each other when you are getting enough sleep!

Talk to your girlfriends. Caring for a small baby can be very isolating and too much time alone is one of the things that can turn relationship molehills into mountains. We end up losing perspective and turning on the one we love, rather than to him. If possible, talk about how you’re feeling with a trusted girlfriend, ideally one who is already a mother. She’ll tell you that everything you are feeling is normal and that this time will pass.
Good luck to you.
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Sex, Every Day. For A Whole Year. Could You Do It?

We have an update from that married-with-kids couple who had sex every day for 101 days. Remember Annie and Douglas Brown? They wrote about their marathon bonk-a-thon in “Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On their Sex Lives for 101 Days”.

I think most of us raising young children would sooner sign up for an actual marathon, than commit to a three-month long endurance test in the bedroom.

The Guardian UK caught up with the Annie and Doug this week to see how their marriage is doing five years after their experiment.  And what we want to know is … are they still at it?

Yes, but not everyday.

Annie says that the experience taught her that, ”when you’re in the tunnel of childrearing and career-building, that whole side of things just tends to get put on the back burner. People really don’t understand that sex is the glue that keeps you together. The physical in a relationship is the foundation it’s built on.

Doug talked about their no electronics in the bedroom rule “We have a conscious agreement that it is not acceptable to lie in bed and tap on a screen.” Just implementing that one rule could have a transformative effect on your sex life.

Charla Muller, also quoted in The Guardian, and her husband managed a full 365 consecutive days of sex. Wow. The changes she experienced in her marriage might, just might, tempt you to start your own sex bootcamp  …

Everything just gets better when sex is a vital part of your relationship. He’s happier, you’re happier, the whole house is happier. A daily kindness enters your relationship, a level of attentiveness for each other. It’s almost like you’re dating again .”

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Help! I Have The Mother-in-Law From Hell

Q. My mother in law is causing me a lot of stress. My husband and I have two children.We have a very loving relationship, a happy marraige and a very happy home.  When I returned home after having my second baby, my mother-in-law took over the house. She told my husband to say good bye to me and go stay with his father because he would be no use to me.
She made me feel very uncomfortable and she would give my five month old choclate and sweets even though I asked her not to. She would follow me around the house when I had my son in my arms, invading my space, shaking my arms while I would be holding my son, I pulled away from her and came into our kitchen to my husband , she followed and I closed the door. She turned on me saying I closed the door on her face, telling me that i was ungrateful for everything my husband gave me, look at the new car he got you, the house you have and you should be grateful to be able to have children… My husband told her that there was no shouting in our house and that no one was closing the door on anyone.  She decided to leave and said something very smart and left. My husband went after to his home house and had it out with her.
We have seen a counselor about her behavior and she told me to stay away from my mother-in-law, but she lives 2 miles away so that is really, really hard.  I often wish I never married my husband because of my relationship with his mother. He told me five years ago if things get out of hand we could move but that wont help. What can I do? I feel like leaving my husband because of his mother.  Please help.
A. I am so sorry that you have a terrible mother-in-law. It seems, however, that you have a good husband. From what you wrote it looks like he has his priorities right, in spite of the upbringing he had with her, and that he puts you and his children first. He has even told you that if you want he is happy to move to a different state to get away from his mother. This is what matters, that your husband puts you first, that he loves you. No doubt your mother-in-law knows this, and she hates it. She wants to be the most important person, she wants to be the one who gets the most attention. Don’t give it to her.
 You have already been told to cut this woman out of your life. You have been told, and you have seen for yourself, that she is a destructive influence, a nasty person. Why do you keep trying to have a relationship with her? Why do you care what she thinks about you? No matter how loving, giving and amazing a person you might be your mother-in-law will always see you as “the enemy”. You cannot control how she thinks, how she behaves. Stop trying. Don’t waste your breath on this woman. Put your energy into your children and your husband.
Talk with your husband today about moving away from this freak show. You and your children deserve a happy home, don’t be afraid to fight for that. Work with your husband to make it happen.
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The “Sex Life” of New Parents: Coitus Non-Existus

Same Story, Different Planets

Meet Janet and Kevin, parents of three young children. Janet stays home with the kids. Kevin’s job requires him to travel a few times a month. Here’s how they both described a recent evening at home:

Kevin: “I was thinking about Janet on the flight home. I’ve been traveling a lot lately and we haven’t seen much of each other. And, of course, I’m wondering if she’ll be in the mood later on—after all, it’s been eight days, five hours, and twenty-eight minutes since we last had sex. When I got home, she gave me a big hug so I started feeling optimistic. But I hadn’t even gotten my tie off when she starts laying into me with my ‘assignments:’ ‘Can you get the kids bathed? Did you remember to call the bank? Did you pick up the dry cleaning?’ She didn’t even give me time to breathe. Who needs that crap? I should’ve flown directly on to Phoenix instead of coming home.”

Janet: “I was so glad when Kevin got home. Finally, some relief! I thought that after he got the kids to bed we could sit down with a glass of wine. But what does he do? He rolls his eyes at me. I just needed some help. You’d think I’d asked him to rewire the house. And it’s not like I went and put my feet up—I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing yet another load of laundry.”

Kevin: “So I’m waiting there in bed. I was really glad to see her, you know? It’s like ‘Ah! My woman is here.’ I’m imagining the stress of this crappy day on an airplane melting away as I reach over to touch her.”

Janet: “Joey wet his new big boy underpants as soon as I got him into bed and the baby vomited on me—yet again—after his bedtime bottle. After cleaning up all that crap, I didn’t even have the energy to change my puke-stained shirt. As I was finally sinking into bed, my radar went off.  Kevin had that look in his eye and “it” started inching over from his side of the bed . . . the paw! Here comes the Ten O’Clock Shoulder Tap (which might as well be accompanied by the Jaws theme).

At that moment, here’s what ran through my head: ‘Does he think that’s a turn-on? He does jack squat to help me out, then expects me to take care of him? We hadn’t even had a conversation! What am I, a 7-Eleven? Open for business at his convenience? But if I say no, he’ll get all bitchy. Maybe I could just lie here for five minutes, but God, I don’t have another ounce of energy. Is that spit-up in my hair?’ ”

Kevin: “Well, what do you know? Bam! She lowers the boom right on my head. Second time in a week. I’m just this robot working stiff to her. She never wants to do it. I’m sick of this. I feel like I have a roommate, not a wife. What am I supposed to do? Rent Spank-a-Vision in my hotel room?”

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there.

How many times have you asked yourself, “How did this happen?” Sex used to be so natural and mutually satisfying. Why is it suddenly, now that there are babies in the house, a flashpoint for conflict and stress?

No one talks about this, but everyone goes through it: most -couples experience a radical decline in the frequency and quality of their sex life during these early childhood years.  THIS IS NORMAL.  The problem is, where there is no sex, or where there is sex that is desperately asked for and grudgingly given, a marriage is reduced to a soulless domestic partnership.  Without it, we can feel, as Ethan Hawke says in the movie Before Sunset, “like we are running a small nursery with someone we used to date.”

Why Does This Happen?  Blame It on Biology

Well, apparently there is a good reason: it’s the small matter of the propagation of the human race. Biology sets us up as mirror images of each other, as polar opposites, to promote the continuation of the species (he wants to spread his seed), and to maximize the survival of our existing offspring (she focuses on the baby).  Men are hard-wired to want sex baby or no baby, and women are hardwired to focus on the health (feeding), day-to-day development (milestones) and the ultimate survival (is there a sabor-toothed tiger around the corner?) of the baby.  Our modern day frustrations (known in scientific circles as the Hound-Dog/Ice-Queen Vortex) are, more than we will ever know, hardwired.

What Can We Do About It?

Understand that this is completely normal.  No need to run out and draw up those divorce papers.  Most people go through this stage.  With a little patience, understanding and effort, hopefully this will pass.

For Men:

  • Redefine foreplay.  It is no longer blowing on the nape of her neck.  It’s rolling up your sleeves, getting in the kid assembly line, and lightening up your wife’s load so she can take an hour for herself to get out of Mommy Mode (change out of the spit-up stained clothes, take a bath, shave her legs) and feel, at least somewhat, like a woman again.
  • Stop the Tap.  Use words instead.  Guys, women still need to be wooed.  We still need you to make an effort in the romance department. Just because you bagged the deer doesn’t mean you just strap us to the hood and call it a day.  Try to have a conversation with us.  Tell us how you feel about us.  Your chances will go way up.

For Women:

  • Try to understand how important sex is to your husbands.  When we asked men what it is like to go longer than, say a week, without sex, they say “the wheels are coming off,” “the sky is falling down,” and if they are rejected more than once, “it’s soul destroying.”  For men, sex is their pathway to intimacy and communication.  So we tried to make an apples to apples comparison – sex for men is like verbal communication for women.  What if we went out to dinner with our husbands and he read a book through the entire meal?  What if he didn’t talk to us for a month?  How would we feel?

For Both:

  • Date Night.  You both need mental and physical distance away from the kids.  It’s counter intuitive, especially for women, when the baby is crying and you have a toddler clamped to your leg, but the best thing you can do for your kids is to reconnect as a couple.  A happy marriage equals happy kids.
  • Weekend away.  Women can get out of Mommy Mode and into Wife Mode much easier when there’s no chance of a kid banging on the door looking for the teddy bear.

When you are sharing your home, and your spouse, with small kids, sex may fall to the bottom of your to-do list, but in fact, you need it more than ever.  It’s the pathway to true intimacy.  It’s the glue that keeps your relationship intact.  It’s the best way to Babyproof Your Marriage.  

*Illustrations by Larry Martin



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Help! Husband Says I Think He Can’t Take Care of Our Baby

Question: I need advice! I’m 30 years old and my husband is 35 we just had our first child 3 months ago. Neither of us had any other children so it is a first for both of us. He is a person that experienced a hard childhood with his father and does not want to be anything like his Dad.  So he has an issue with being in control and although he is working on it its a problem.  I don’t know if I’m making it worse.

We fuss all the time.  For example, my husband was holding the baby – and our baby has colic – so he was crying very badly. And my husband said a bad word as he was adjusting his hold on the baby and I walked over to grab the baby and this caused a huge fuss because my husband thinks that I think he can’t take care of the baby. And that is not how I feel. My husband suffers from anxiety and I just wanted to help and to stop my baby from crying. Please help me, I don’t want us to be fussing over the baby all the time. It is making me really depressed.

Answer: You and your husband have a brand new baby. The first few months of parenthood are not easy. Most couples experience relationship stress and arguments as they come to terms with caring for this wonderful, though unbelievably demanding, little person. So, please take comfort from the fact that yours, and your husband’s, behavior is normal.

You mentioned that your husband had a difficult childhood and did not have a good relationship with his father. You also mentioned that he suffers from anxiety. Now, those two issues most likely have absolutely nothing to do with how he is now acting as a new father. From what you’ve told me, he sounds like he is acting the same way most men do when they have a newborn. He wants to help. He’s not sure how to help. He gets frustrated when his attempts to help you and the baby don’t work.  Don’t start to overanalyze his behavior or try to find reasons behind what you perceive as controlling behavior. Now is not the time for all that. Save your mental energy for your baby and don’t create problems for yourself, when there is very possibly nothing for you to be worried about.

You say that you and your husband “fuss over the baby” all the time. Again, you sound completely normal to me. Most new parents fuss over their new baby. The whole thing is terrifying. Has the baby eaten enough? Is the baby too hot/too cold? Is the baby sleeping too much/too little? Fuss. Fuss. Fuss. You worry that you are fussing too much, but it seems to me that you are just loving your little baby.

Let’s talk about some action items.

#1 Talk to your pediatrician about your baby’s colic. It might be reflux, and consequently something that can be addressed with medication. Even if it is just plain colic your doctor will have some tips for you to try out that might soothe your baby.

#2 Tell your husband that you love him and that you believe that he will be a wonderful father, that he is already a wonderful father.

#3 Tell your husband that he needs to hug you and tell you that you are a wonderful mother.

#4 Prioritize sleep above all non-essential activities in your life. Lack of sleep makes us hyper-emotional, over sensitive and likely to turn tiny marital problems into huge, divorce-threatening mountains. Encourage your husband to get sleep, too.

Bottom line: this is a very, very difficult chapter in your marriage and your lives. Most likely, it will pass. Take care of yourself as much as possible, and don’t panic.


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Fighting Over The Grandbaby

Sometimes grandparents have a funny way of welcoming a first grandchild into the fold. Specifically, they fight about it. It’s a battle for dominance. Whose culture and traditions will take hold? Who will win the coveted position as uber-grandma?

The Chicago Tribune recently interviewed Stacie about how new parents can stop their parents and in-laws fighting over the newest addition to the family.  Check out what she had to say about grandparents who drive their kids crazy with their efforts to “mark their territory.” 

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The Great Sex Negotiation: How Much Sex is Enough?

“Going for more than a week without sex is really, really tough.”

—Randy, married 8 years, 3 kids

“Three or four times a year would be about right.”

—Kendra, married 8 years, 3 kids

“After kids everything changes . . . we’re having sex about every three months. If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if its #*#* sex, I know it’s time to renew my driver’s license.”

—Ray Romano, comedian and father of 4

How much sex do the married parents of small kids have? What’s average? We asked our friends (you can do that sort of thing when you’re writing a book). The women said “about once a week” and the men said “about once a month.” Unless our friends are having sex with someone other than their husbands, they are unknowingly inflating the numbers. Our guess is that the men’s answers are more accurate. After all, most men can tell you to the hour the last time they had sex. Women, on the other hand, are notoriously unreliable on the subject.

A couple of data points: a study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago states that married couples say they have sex 68.5 times a year. That’s slightly more than once a week. But according to a June Newsweek article, psychologists estimate that fifteen to twenty percent of couples have sex no more than ten times a year. Twice a week? Twice a month? Who cares? All that matters, obviously, is whether or not the two of you are happy with the amount of sex you’re having. One man’s feast is another man’s famine. Are you happy? What about that person lying next to you in the bed?

Come to Terms

“I’m scoring like a third-rate British soccer team—once every fifth Sunday.”

—Peter, married 8 years, 3 kids

How do you reconcile one person’s desire for sex every other day with another’s desire for it every other month? Most couples who’d run the numbers together told us they’d had a little tête-à-tête about how often they would generally try to do it. They’d figured out a happy medium they could both live with.

“I still think about sex all the time, and I wish we could do it more than we do, but at least I no longer have that nagging sense of dread not knowing when the next time will be, or getting shot down three times in a row. And my wife likes it better than when I was pestering her all the time.”

—Greg, married 10 years, 3 kids

Based on our extensive conversations on the subject, we’ve concluded that sex about once a week is required for basic marriage maintenance. Experience has taught us that anything less than that leads to maintenance problems. Things are going to break down. One day you have a sweet, obliging husband, the next he storms out of the house when you ask him to take a look at the water heater. Some men get plain bitchy and would give any premenstrual woman a run for her money. If the “long dry spell” continues, a man who feels he’s been relegated to Bottom Head on the Family Totem Pole status will start to invest time and energy in other things: work, the golf course, the gym, beers with his buddies. And if the drought continues: the Internet, strip clubs . . . other women.

But guys, by the same token, cut your wife some slack if you can see she’s in a “state” or too tired to get undressed before she collapses into bed. Just let it be at that particular time, even if she promised you’d do it tonight after she said she was too tired last night. Don’t pressure her with the threat of the Must Do It Within 24 Hours “Hourglass Effect.” If, on the whole, she’s making an effort to meet your needs, try not to tap your foot and glance at your watch (or look elsewhere) the minute you get turned down.

What’s your opinion on the matter?

** Image from

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